Christmas Angst
by Yennj
Summary: Very JH with a happy ending mosty about Jackie's first Christmas since her parents left


It was December 21st, only a few days before Christmas and Jackie was trying to tough out her first holiday season in an empty home. She had been living with Donna since the start of the school year but during the holidays she just wanted to go home and not bother with anyone. After school she stopped by her empty house and wandered through the dusty rooms. She closed her eyes and let herself remember all the holiday parties her family would have with a huge decorated tree with hundreds of presents underneath it. Christmas morning would come and her dad would put off calls for the whole day and her mom would get dressed up to go out for breakfast because they gave the staff the day off. She was still deep in thought when the phone rang.

Jackie: Hello?

Mrs. Burkhardt: Jackie! Honey I'm coming home in a day or two for the holidays. Well, actually I'm brining someone and we plan on coming the 23rd so try to jazz the place up some!

Jackie's eyes widened with excitement. "Okay great! I can't wait!"

Mrs. Burkhardt said she would bring the car home hung up. Jackie got excited and let out a little giggle. She couldn't wait!

Foreman's Basement

Donna walked in to see Eric, Kelso, Hyde, and Fez sitting around watching tv. They all gave her a community hello as she sat down next to Eric.

Hyde: Hey where's Jackie?

Donna: Oh, well I thought she was here but I guess not. She didn't come home right after school, said she had some stuff to do. Probably off buying you a Christmas present or something.

Hyde: Yeah. I have to figure out what do with her on that day though.

Eric: She can stay with Donna that day. It's bad enough my mom is throwing her the pre-Christmas Christmas party.

Kelso: Well, she could always come over to my place, I mean my family thought she was…well they thought she was bitchy but they put up with her.

Donna: Actually we're not doing anything but you know my dad got her a sweater so…whether she likes it or not she'll be at my house humoring my dad.

Hyde: Okay cool.

Jackie burst threw the doors with her arms full of bags busting at the seams with decorations. She was beaming with the news she couldn't wait to tell. She huffed as she let her bags fall to the floor. She skipped over to Hyde and kissed him hard on the lips. She pulled back beaming. She turned around to the rest of the room to make her announcement.

Jackie: My mom's coming home for Christmas!

Hyde scowled at the news, he was not a fan of that woman, she had left Jackie just like Edna. In his eyes, she was no better and he knew that Jackie was blind when it came to her parents and their perfect life. After all that had happened in the past year she still didn't want to accept the fact that they were simply selfish and didn't give a damn about her.

Jackie: She called today and said she'll be here on the 23rd with her boyfriend and she wanted me to decorate the house. So, we can break out the Christmas music and string popcorn and drink eggnog…(she looked back at Steven) and beer. Oh and we can hang candycanes and (she looks back again and lifts her eyebrow) mistletoe. Oh please, please, please!

The group seemed to be somewhat impressed. Jackie hadn't been this happy in what seemed like months and she hadn't seen her mother in almost a year. Donna nodded.

Donna: Okay, we'll be there.

Kelso: Yeah I guess so.

Fez: Candycanes, popcorn, and beer! Yeah!

Jackie turned to Steven and gave him a puppy dog look. She traced her finger around his collar bone and leaned in to kiss his neck.

Hyde: Okay.

Jakcie: Great so I was thinking we could get started tomorrow and I could order pizza or something. I have to go to the house and do some cleaning before we start so Donna I'll be at my house tonight. Steven would you mind driving me home? Oh with mom coming home soon I'll have my car back! This is so exciting!

El Camino. Steven drove up the driveway and turned the car off. Jackie was going on and on about all the cleaning she needed to do before decorating.

Steven: Jacks, are you okay?

Jackie: Uh. Hello, I'm great, my mom is coming home! Hey (she grabbed his face cupping it in her hand) I love you and I won't let you feel neglected.

Jackie leaned over and kissed Steven hard and long. She started to get on top of him and the making out got hotter. He didn't have this in mind but she was in a great mood and he wasn't one to stop her. Jackie ran her hands down his back under his shirt.

Steven couldn't believe that Jackie had finally fulfilled his fantasy of doing it in the El Camino. She was leaning on his chest still strattling him and smiling against him. She kissed his chest and chin lightly then began to sit up and straighten her clothes. She leaned in and whispered that she loved him in his ear. He kissed her hard.

Steven: I'm always here for you Jacks.

She got up and reached for her bags. Getting out of the car she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Jackie: Bye honey I'll see you tomorrow. Tell everyone to get here around seven.

Jackie walked into the empty house and sighed. She set down the bags and looked around. Everything was so dusty. She had to get started now! Jackie spent the rest of the night cleaning obsessively as if the house was clean enough then everything would be perfect. She dusted all over and vaccumed room after room. She reorganized the pictures in the hall and dug out all the old decorations from years past. She started putting up a few when suddenly she felt a little dizzy. Sitting down she finally looked at the clock. It was 10 in the morning, she had been cleaning twelve hours straight! Jackie crashed on the couch with thoughts of sugarplums dancing in her head.

At seven the El Camino and Foreman's station wagon pulled up to the house where Jackie was putting up a few lights on the roof. Steven stepped out and saw her, he freaked, what the hell was she doing up there?

Steven: Jackie?

Jackie: Huh? Oh, hi Steven!

Steven: What the hell are you doing? It's freezing out!

Jackie: I'm putting up the lights. (she gave Steven a look like this was the most normal thing ever.)

Steven: Jackie, it's dark out, you can't see what you're doing!

Steven was starting to loose his patience.

Jackie: Fine.

Jackie went over to the ladder and began to climb down when her foot slipped on the rung and the ladder slipped out from under her. She tried to hang on but the rail was covered in ice. She let go and began to fall. Steven quickly and easily caught her.

Steven: See? It's dangerous.

Jackie: Steven, I need those lights up!

Steven: Yeah, whatever.

Jackie: Don't you 'whatever' me! This needs to be perfect! Help me get the ladder up.

Jackie walked over to the fallen ladder and began to heft it up. Steven couldn't believe what she was doing. She was nuts! Her mother must be getting to her more than he thought.

Steven: Jackie, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it tomorrow okay?

Jackie looked at Steven and she looked like she was going to start crying. She had been on edge for a long time and now with her mom coming she was more anxious than ever. She just nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

Jackie: Sorry.

She leaned into him for a hug. Somehow he always brought her back to her sanity.

Steven walked into the house with his arm around Jackie. The last time he had set foot in the mansion it had been dusty and seemed empty. Now every inch was shining, Jackie had Christmas music playing, bowls of popcorn and a bowl of eggnog was set out with glasses. It was so put together. She must have been working her ass off.

Steven: Looks great Jackie.

Jackie: But you didn't see the best part.

She smiled seductively and dragged him to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and there before him was a fridge full of cold beer.

Steven: This is gonna be one hell of a holiday party.

Jackie: Steven please don't get drunk until after we decorate some!

A few hours later a fake tree illuminated the living room, Fez was making a popcorn chain, Donna was putting up a few of the last ornaments, Kelso was sucking on a candycane, Eric was goofing around with Donna, and Hyde was wandering threw the house.

Jackie came up behind her boyfriend and held her hands over his eyes.

Jackie: Guess who.

Hyde didn't bother even pretending to play he just grabber her and kissed her hard on mouth. She was the one who was surprised.

Jackie: C'mon, you want that beer? You earned it.

Hyde smiled as she began to get out the cans and brought them to her friends. The party scene began to change. Soon Kelso and Fez were watching tv and Eric and Donna were making out in one of the many side rooms. Hyde had Jackie on his lap as he listened to some music (no more Christmas songs but instead some classic rock). Jackie leaned her back into him and closed her eyes as her head rested on his shoulder. She lightly began kissing him and when they grew more intense Steven pulled back.

Steven: You want to go find a bed?

Jackie took his arm and led him upstairs to her pink room.

Steven: Well, this is definitely a mood killer.

Jackie stopped and sighed she looked around the room. Suddenly the room overwhelmed her and she had to take a deep breath to catch herself. Memories of being alone up here with all her materialistic things surrounding her, drowning out her loneliness. Tears began to fall and she couldn't figure out why. She was so happy and lucky to have Steven in her life. He came up and wiped her the tears from her eyes. He held her for a long moment. Then slowly he began to undress her and much to her surprise redress her in pajamas. He pulled back the covers and lay her down with her back to him. He lay down to and pulled her close.

Jackie: I love you Steven.

He kissed her neck and stroked her stomach. She slowly began to drift off when he leaned in and whispered.

Steven: I'll always be here for you Jackie.

Jackie had dragged Donna to the mall after everyone left. The tree looked empty with no presents under it. Jackie couldn't believe how careless she had been to not get her own mother a present before now. But Steven had convinced her it would be a waste of time since she didn't even know where to send the gift. But now she didn't need to send anything! Jackie was proud that she had worked for her money to buy the gifts this year. She had already gotten all her friends things, they were simple things but they were nice. Well, Steven's gift actually had two parts. Now she was scraping the bottom of her checking account. She had gotten her mother ten gifts: special smelly decorative soap, new body mist perfume, decadent chocolate truffles, silk scarf, 3 shirts, a vest, a fashionable jacket, a purse, and a pair of socks. As she made her last purchase for a grand total of $250 Donna made her comment.

Donna: Jackie don't you think you're getting a lot of things for someone who's never around?

Jackie: Donna how can you say that! Well, I suppose I've spent enough so we can go, besides the mall closes in half an hour.

Donna: Great, I'm starving!

Jackie: Uh, Donna maybe we should go to the basement and check on the boys.

Jackie didn't want to say anything but she didn't have enough money left for a burger and she was hungry too. But if they went to the basement Steven would get her something.

Basement. All the boys are there sitting around watching tv.

Hyde: Man I hate Christmas specials.

Eric: Yeah, they're all the same.

Fez: I wonder if I've met my guardian angel and if he is as kick ass as this one.

Eric: Hey, it's not like that angel can change anything, he just shows you how wonderful your life is, even when it sucks…(remembers his angel encounter)

Kelso: Hey angels are the coolest, I bet mine is hotter than Jackie.

Hyde reaches over and punches Kelso in the shoulder.

Jackie and Donna enter the basement. Jackie walks right over to Hyde and sits on his lap, turning she kisses him hard on the lips.

Jackie: Hi honey.

Hyde: Hey.

Eric: Hey, Jackie my mom wants to talk to you about dinner tomorrow.

Jackie: What dinner?

Donna: Jackie, you forgot the dinner?

Kelso: Hey, I thought the whole dinner was Jackie's idea anyway…I didn't have to do my Christmas shopping early?

Jackie: Oh…that dinner. I completely forgot!

Hyde: Did you forget that she has been planning this for weeks?

Eric: That's low Jackie, my mom will be crushed.

Fez: Yes, Jackie you are being awfully selfish.

Jackie: But I didn't know my mom was coming home! We—

Hyde: Have better things to do? No, Jackie don't even. Mrs. Forman has been planning this for weeks just to make you feel better and now you're going to throw that in her face?

Jackie: Steven, my mom hasn't been around and I want to spend my time with her! It's important. Besides before everything happened I would have been spending the last two weeks at different holiday parties. It's not like I don't like parties…

Donna: Jackie, this was not one of those snobby people parties, it was one that Eric's mom has been planning just for you.

Jackie: Well, it's no big deal I'll just tell her to cancel it.

Hyde was getting frustrated with Jackie and her sudden carelessness.

Hyde: That's great Jackie, just dump the people who actually care about you to spend it with a drunk. God you're selfish!

Jackie stood up and turned around.

Jackie: What do you know? Your mother never came back for you!

Hyde stood up and went to his room.

Eric: Jackie, I think you better go on home to your mom.

Jackie stood for a second and then turned to leave. She couldn't believe that Steven didn't understand how huge it was having her mom home. He never understood those kind of things. How could he say that about her mother?

Jackie had seen her mother's car in the driveway and couldn't believe she was actually here.

Jackie: Mom?

Mrs. Burkhardt was strattling a thirtyish greasy man in the living room. He smiled and looked Jackie over approvingly before waggling his eyebrows.

Mrs. Burkhart: Jackie! Oh baby I want you to meet someone. This is Gerald. We met at a casino in Vegas.

Gerald took Jackie's hand and kissed it while smiling at her.

Gerald: Pleasure's all mine babe.

Jackie shook a little and took her hand back, then turned to her mom.

Jackie: Mom, what do you think of the house? My friends helped me decorate and I have a few presents to put under the tree cause I know it looked bare.

Mrs. Burkhardt: Oh sweetie, it looks perfect. When we drove up Gerald couldn't keep from staring at the house. It is the picture of Christmas. Oh, but I didn't have time to get anything for you this year hun, I hope you don't mind.

Jackie's face fell a bit but she strained to hide it.

Gerald: Oh, honey she's upset. God you're spoiled!

Gerald and Mrs. Burkhardt laughed at Jackie as she fought to keep her tears from falling. Instead she went to get the presents she had bought and put them under the tree willing herself to keep happy.

Jackie: Mom, don't worry about it, I know you're busy and all. I just picked up a few things.

Jackie turned around to see Gerald standing right behind her.

Gerald: I got a gift for you.

Jackie shuttered and pushed him aside as she went into the kitchen to find something to eat.

Mrs. Burkhardt walked drunkenly into the kitchen.

Mrs. Burkhardt: Jackie, I kind of need you to be out of sight this weekend. I think Gerald is going to propose and I really don't need you around to…ya know intimidate him. Okay? Great thanks hun.

She hadn't even waited for a reply before walking back out. Jackie just sat there and started to cry.

Hyde couldn't believe what had just happened. Jackie had criticized him and his family! After all they had been through she had chosen the one off-limits area to try to hurt him. It's not like her family was so great. Her dad was in JAIL and her mom left her! He couldn't wait until she spent the holidays at home and realized how little her mom actually cared about her. Was she really so blind as to not understand that her mom was just a lousy mother? As much as he knew it was going to hurt Jackie to realize this truth, it was good for her, she needed to grow up. Kitty had cried when he told her that Jackie wasn't coming. She had been preparing for this whole make-Jackie-feel-better-dinner for weeks and Jackie was just blowing her off! Maybe Eric was right, maybe she was the spawn of Satan. Either way, they were through because God knows she was too high and mighty to even comprehend the hurt she had caused and he just couldn't handle being with someone like that.

Jackie lay in bed that night just feeling awful. She wanted to call Mrs. Foreman right away and say that she was sorry, she could make it. She wanted to call Steven and apologize. Instead Jackie just lay in bed and cried until sleep found her.

The next morning Jackie woke up late. She slowly got ready to go over to the Foreman's to apologize to Steven and she decided to sneak downstairs and take the purse, soap, and scarf over to Kitty instead of give it to her mom. She felt so bad about not getting something for Mrs. Foreman and also stupid for getting so much for her mom who didn't want to spend any time with her at all.

She saw her mom passed out on the couch and assumed Gerald wasn't far off so she quickly grabbed the gifts and prepared to leave.

Jackie had the gifts in her hand and was putting them into a hand bag when she felt someone's hands around her waist. Gerald held her against himself as his hand moved up to hold her wrists while the other pulled up her shirt.

Jackie was about to scream when he turned her and crushed his mouth against hers. She could taste the sour whiskey on his breath. She struggled to get free but he held tighter and shoved her back against the wall so hard that it nearly knocked the wind out of her. He ripped her shirt top open and groped her breast hard, holding her hands over her head. He bit her lip and made her bleed. Slowly his hand moved south and began to travel down her pants. Her mind was swimming and she couldn't see straight.

Suddenly they were interrupted by her mother.

Mrs. Burkhardt: What the hell do you think you're doing?

Gerald moved off Jackie in an instant and Mrs. Burkhardt glared…at Jackie. She took a step forward and slapped her hard across her face. Jackie slid slowly to the floor crying.

Mrs. Burkhardt: You slut! God, my own daughter! Get the hell out of my house!

Jackie looked up at her mother with an odd calmness she stood up, grabbed her shoulder bag, and left.

Hyde, Eric, Donna, Fez, and Kelso were downstairs after exchanging gifts. There were still a few presents on the table in front of them. Eric reached over and grabbed one of them.

Eric: Well, I don't know about you guys but the ice queen isn't getting anything from me this year.

Donna: Eric…

Hyde: What Donna? Jackie is being a selfish bitch.

Fez: I hope her Christmas angel came and visited her yesternight and reminded her of the true meaning of this season!

Kelso: So, is your mom still doing a dinner thing? Cause I should go help pick out a tree.

Fez: Oh, can I come?

Eric: Yeah, but it's kind of a bust so if you've gotta go…

Kelso: Let's go Fez.

Fez and Kelso leave.

Donna: So, are you going over to Jackie's?

Hyde: Hell no.

Eric: I think that relationship has past it's due date.

Hyde: Whatever.

Eric: Well, my mom will be happy you hung around. It just isn't Christmas without atleast one orphan to fawn over!

Donna: Eric! (she smacks him upside the head.)

Jackie walked in the icy cold without ever feeling it. She had planned a whole entrance and gift exchange with Mrs. Foreman. Without thinking she opened the front door of their house. Her mind was blank except for what had already been there. She had planned on saying she was sorry and giving Mrs. Foreman the array of gifts. Afterall she was more of a mother than her own. Jackie stood in the doorway for a second until Red looked up and saw Jackie with her torn shirt, bruised cheek, and swollen lip.

Red: My God! Kitty!

Kitty comes into the room wiping her apron looking at Red.

Kitty: What is it?

Jackie: Mrs. Foreman—

Jackie's voice seemed lifeless and void.

Kitty looked up and was shocked! She ran over to Jackie and grabbed a blanket on the way to wrap around her.

Kitty: Jackie what on earth happened? Sit down and…oh you need to get warm.

Kitty looked intently at Jackie's face and touched her bruise lightly. She hugged her hard and rubbed Jackie's back. Jackie began to speak but halfway through the words got stuck and she came out of her shock.

Jackie: I'm sorry for—

Jackie broke down into sobs and her body wracked.

Red got up and went to the basement door to call for Steven.

Jackie: I'm so sorry.

Jackie continued to cry and those were the only words out of her mouth.

Kitty: Shhh…I know. It's okay Jackie. Jackie it's okay, everything is going to be fine.

Donna and Eric followed Hyde up the stairs. Red was always yelling but this time there was a different kind of a yell, it was urgent.

Hyde stood in the doorway to the living room and stopped breathing for a second.

Hyde: Jacks?

She looked up and saw his face looking down at her with concern in his eyes. He looked so handsome all dressed in a sweater, a gift that Kitty had given him. Jackie attempted to stand but felt too weak to stand fully. She held her arms out to him and he came over.

Jackie: Steven I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I'm so sorry.

She was sobbing hard into his shoulder as he rocked her stroking her hair.

Eric was in awe at the scene. Finally he saw how little and frail she looked, how broken she seemed. Understanding hit him hard and he realized with a bolt that Jackie's whole bitchiness was part of a cover. It was her Zen to the world; her way of not letting things get to her.

Donna grabbed Eric's hand and gave it a squeeze to leave.

Red was holding the phone when Kitty walked into the kitchen and started a kettle to make tea for Jackie.

Kitty: Who are you calling?

Red: The Burkhardt's.

Kitty: Red hang-up. She doesn't need that right now; let it wait.

Red hung up and sat down at the table where his stunned son was sitting. Donna was standing behind Eric.

Eric: Dad, is she going to be okay.

Red: She's been through a hell of a year Eric. That's why your mother planned today.

Donna: I'm gonna go get some of her clothes from my house. C'mon Eric.

Red: I better go talk to Bob. He is supposed to have guests staying over there.

Steven sat stroking her hair while Jackie sobbed until her sobbing turned to dry hiccups. He pulled her away and began to tenderly wipe her tears away.

Jackie: Steven, I'm so sorry for everything I said yesterday. I—

Steven: Jackie it's okay.

Jackie: I love you so much, please don't hate me.

Steven: Jackie, I know and I could never hate you babe. Now, what happened?

Jackie hugged Steven again. She didn't want to discuss it, she just wanted to forget it all.

Jackie: Please, just hold me.

Steven silently obliged. He didn't want to push her anymore than she had been. He held her rocking her slowly. She sighed heavily and breathed him in. Dully she closed her eyes and cleared her mind of everything except that moment. She drifted off slowly.

Hours passed. Steven held her while she slept until Kitty came out and tapped his shoulder. Slowly he got up so as not to wake her and walked into the kitchen.

Kitty: Steven what happened?

Steven: I don't know.

Red: Well, Bob has guests over at his house so she'll stay here.

Kitty: Well, where do you think we should put her?

Eric: Hyde's room. (they stared at him) I mean it's where she goes when she's upset and stuff…

Steven: Don't worry I'll take the couch.

Kitty: Well, okay. Why don't you take her down now and just let her sleep the rest of today. Stay with her Steven and if she wakes up come get us.

Kitty and Red left the room.

Eric: Man, Hyde is she okay?

Steven shrugged in response. He left Eric in the kitchen and came back in carrying Jackie who was awake but didn't want to admit to it yet.

Jackie sat up when Steven set her down on his bed. He sat next to her and held her hand and rubbed her back.

Steven: What happened?

Jackie leaned into him, closed her eyes and told him everything that happened from the night before and how awful she had felt to the next day when she had graced their doorstep. His grip around her grew stronger and stronger as she told the story. When she was done, he just held her. Slowly he reached behind him and grabbed the sweats Donna had left for her. Donna must've known she would be staying in his room because she put them on his bed.

Steven: Here, why don't you change. I should go tell everyone you're awake.

Jackie: Steven, what do I tell them?

Steven: Jackie, this house is safe. You don't have to tell them anything or you can tell them everything and it won't make a difference, you'll still be welcome here. They love you Jacks.

Jackie smiled as tears ran down her cheeks.

Jackie: I…I know, I feel it.

Steven smirked at her last remark. "Jackie, you're such a softy."

She smiled back and then went in for a hug. She just couldn't get enough of him.

Jackie: I love you so much Steven. I love you so much.

Steven: I know babe and I'll always be here for you.

He kissed her temple and let himself out of her grasp. He winked before he closed the door and she let out a small giggle.


End file.
